THIS TOO SHALL PASS
Pretty much.
Waiting for stuff that is never going to happen.
So. My Tattoo. I want the “This too shall pass” thing. I just can’t decide in which font (3rd one is left out already) But I like ColdPlay lyrics too.
I just made made these in photoshop. I liked how the 2nd one turned out. If I get that one, it’ll be with those fonts because I loved how it looks
But I’m undecided between the This Too Shall pass (and in which font) or the lyrics.
Can’t decide.
Help?
This is just…
None ever said it would be this hard.
When I think to myself “One day…” I’m not really thinking “One day I will be happy” I’m actually thinking “One day it will stop hurting, One day I’ll stop hoping, One day I’ll just thinking ‘one day…’”
How sad is my life.
Well, everything is crap lately, but today it was just… bleugh.
I had a quite bad day at work… I really think none likes me there anymore. At some point, they were all so happy with me… they’d talk about how good I was at doing what I do, about my good attitude, about everything I did. And they WERE happy… but today I felt the other way round. I feel like they don’t like me, like they know they can spare me any moment and nothing’d happen. I felt like they actually want to get rid of me. They avoid me, they give work they used to give me to the new guy, they act like I don’t exist. Totally… and that terrifies me. Why? Because this job has been the only thing I’ve liked of what I’ve done in my life so far. Because it was a challange, because I liked the way I was doing it. Because I felt fine. Useful. and now I feel like it’s another failure added to the list… and it sucks.
Add the fact that as I said before, it was the VERY ONLY thing good in my life right now. And now it’s gone. And now I feel like it all is shitty again. It’d been the only achievement in my life. Like my first proper job.
If they get rid of me I swear I don’t know what I’ll do. I feel like I’m losing the only thing that kept me good.
I don’t know what to do. Everything´s so wrong. Like SO wrong. I loved my job because It kept me quite busy which meant I didn’t quite have time to think about how much everything else in my life sucks. That I am themost lonely person on earth. That my family sucks. That none wants me in their lives. That I keep wanting to lose weight but I don’t try it hard enough. That I fell for someone’s lies, someone who only used me, like everyone else in my life has done before.
Argh.
I’m lost. REALLY really lost.
Please.
Just don’t. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Not next week.
And this comes from a depressed woman who should be on medication cause she’s diagnosed with border disorder.
I’m fat, I’m lonely, I’m pretty much an awful person… and I’m going through a VERY bad time. I can’t get a job because I don’t seem to be better than the other girls applying for it. And I fell in love with someone who didn’t fall for me and now he’s treating me bullshit.
Funny enough, this very someone taught me something: When life seems to be in it’s worst moment, something and someone ALWAYS come along to help you go though it. And maybe this someone or something will cause you more problems or disappoint you, but then someone else will come along, and so on.
Life is amazing. It’s so amazing that it gives you many things at once. Some bad, some good.
I’ve had really bad times. And when I say really bad times, I mean it. I can name you a few:
*Having a depressed mother who tells me she wants to die all the time
*Having a best friend who sleeps with my crush.
*My brother being kidnapped, that leading to my whole family being life threatened
*Having everyone telling me I’ve failed in everything in life.
*Having a guy telling me he can’t be with me because I’m fat
*Falling IN LOVE with someone who only used me to forget someone (Of course I never realized of it until the end)
*NEVER being the first choice for ANYONE. Not in my family, not among my friends, not for anyone.
So yes, I know pretty well life SUCKS sometimes. And I myself have wanted to die many times… However, I never dared to commit suicide… and right now I’m so glad I never did it.
Right now yes, I feel like a lonely bitch, but I’m giving life a chance. I’m giving myself a chance to find new nice people, to enjoy my family, to enjoy my friends, to be ok with myself.
Some months ago one of my friends commited suicide… I don’t think it’s something I’ll get over. Still now days I wonder why he did it. And I wonder if I could’ve done something to avoid it…
Maybe he thought none would care… Hell, we did. Even the people you would never have thought of did.
So hey, whoever you are, wherever you are, give life a chance, give your friends and family a chance, give yourself a chance… Help yourself.
If you look at yourself in the mirror and say “Ew, I’m a horrible, fat, ugly, always-failing person” Don’t. You know what? That will NOT help you in any way. I mean, what for? It’s not like by telling yourself you’re fat you will lose weight. why are you your worst enemy? Why are you against yourself?
Become your best friend. Look at yourself in the mirror and say “Hey, you can do it. Fucking hell YES YOU CAN DO IT. You can smile” Because YOU CAN DO IT. You can get over it. You can do whatever on earth you want to do.
Life has awful, horrible, sucking shitty moments, Yes, but it’s got amazing moments too. You just have to try your best to see the good ones instead of crying over the bad ones =)
